An essay on misogyny in China

All my life I have been battling against this standard, and that is " you could've been more..." To some extent, I think it is engraved in Asian people's bones to criticize their children, spouses,loved ones for not being good enough, and somehow that is supposed to make them better. 

我一生都在與某種標準作鬥爭，那就是“你可以更怎麼樣”。從某種程度上來說，我認為它被刻在亞洲人民的骨頭裡， 批評他們的孩子，配偶，親人不夠好從而使他們變得更好。

      A little kid comes back home with a test paper that is 98%, her mother scolds her for losing that 2 percent while ignoring the 98 percent that she worked so hard for. A little girl who doesn't have the "porcelain skin" would be treated as this little duckling who needs skin bleaching cream from Korea. Despite the most innocent and the most beautiful natural face she has, she now has to have a filter in photos for her to look "cuter" in the social media era. When she is not tall enough she would be called out for being too short, and when she is too tall, she would be viewed as this monster who could never find a boyfriend. When she enters puberty, she is told to be modest, meaning she should not like her growing bodies; she should not feel the hormones which naturally comes with her age: she should be "pure".  When she finally survives all of that, it is engraved in every one of her trembling bones that she could've been skinner, whiter or have clearer skin, therefore she projects her insecurities on other women which led to internalized misogyny: she has been told to be this good girl who obeys, and for those who don't deserve to be damned. That is the story of a lot of Chinese girls growing up. 

一個小女孩帶著98分的試卷回家，她的家長會因為那失去的兩分而責罵她，而忽略了她努力得來的另外九十八分。一個沒有“瓷娃娃”皮膚的小女孩是需要韓國美白護膚品的醜小鴨。儘管她擁有最天真和最美麗的自然面孔，她卻必須在照片中添加濾鏡然後她會看起來更“可愛”。當她不夠高時，她會因太矮而被大眾批判；而當她“太高了”的時後，她將被視為那個永遠找不到男朋友的怪物。她進入青春期，她被告知要謙卑，這意味著她不應該喜歡自己逐漸成熟的身體。她不應該感覺到隨年齡增長而來的荷爾蒙：她應該永遠是純潔的。當她最終倖免於難成長成人之後，她的每一跟顫抖的骨頭上都刻著：她可以變得更白，更瘦或者她的皮膚可以更好，因此她將自己的不安全感投射到其他女性身上，這導致了內向的嚴女症：她被告知成為這個服從的好女孩，對於那些不服從的女孩子，她們都應該去死。

       Out of all of the people in the Bible, I sincerely enjoyed Lilith's story. The original text from the King James Bible of Genesis 1: 27 says “And God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” The gist of her story was that she was Adam's first wife, and was actually a bug that God created to be equal as Adam because in contrast to a piece of bone , she was made out of clay just like her male counterpart. However, she did not like missionary position during intercorse so she got banished to hell, then comes Eve who was created to replace her, and of course she was made from a rib so she could always be submissive to Adam. 

在聖經中的所有人中，我真誠地欣賞莉莉絲的故事。創世記1：27的原文說：“神照著自己的形像造了人，男人和女人他創造了他們” 這證明了上帝同時創造了一男一女， 而並非是後世傳留下來的版本。她故事的概括就是因為她和亞當同時是由泥土創造的，（上帝創世紀的時候做出的一個bug），她認為她和亞當是同等的人。她相信她在做愛的時候想要女上位，也是因此被上帝放逐到伊甸園之外。從此之後我們有了夏娃，一個由亞當肋骨做出來的女人去取代亞當，她會永遠屈從與他。

Eve gave birth to a lot of children, and we are the offspring of Adam and Eve, and that explains why feminism is seem to be as this vicious enemy because that is the idea of Lilith. 

夏娃和亞當生了很多孩子，而他們的後代在我們之間。

而從聖經的角度來解釋，這就是為什麼女權主義被很多基督教徒所厭棄：這是莉莉絲的idea。

Women are told to be inferior to their male counterparts, and that explains them hating each other, praising him no matter what, and loathing themselves and their sexuality. I was having a sex and the city brunch with two of my friends（they are both Chinese) on Sunday, and one of my friends told me this story of a guy who refused to wear condoms and telling her that "she's not a good girl" after she said he had to. He said, "you are the only bad girl who doesn't listen to what I tell you." And then he asked her to suck his cock because he allegedly couldn't cum with a condom. That is engraved misogyny, right there. 

從彼此之間的憎恨，重男輕女或者是厭惡與自己的女性特徵等等都來源於女性被告知她們的地位低於男性。

一個星期天，我和兩個中國朋友有了一個慾望都市般的早午餐，其中一個朋友告訴我她的一個經歷。她對我說有一次做愛的時候，對方拒絕戴套。 他對她說，“你怎麼這麼不乖，”在她告訴他她會拒絕性行為如果他不戴套。於是他說，“你是唯一一個那麼不聽話的女孩。”然後他對她說要她口，因為他帶著安全套沒法射出來。我想這就是骨子裡輕微的嚴女症吧。

I think what is astonishingly shocking about the misogynistic nature in our society is not how some toxic male think of us or speak of us, and it is this internalized misogynistic value that women inherit. I cannot exaggerate on how many times some girls would comment on other girl's bodies or their sexuality saying they are either too conservative or too sexualized. This value comes from education, and I still vividly remember my 7th grade Chinese teacher's infamous quotation, " Ariel, you do not act like a lady. " or  "Boys will be boys." I give her sympathy  because I know that she comes from an area of China which was notorious for preferring boys over girls, (I once knew this classmate who had 6 older sisters, and of course he is the youngest and the only boy in the family ). What pisses me off about all of this is that in order showfront this progressive image of this drastically changing country, all of these discussions are conveniently swept under the rug because it doesn't exist, just like the oppression for people who hold different religious value in Germany in the 1940s. 

我認為令人震驚的不是一些有毒的男性怎麼說或者怎麼做，而是女性的嚴女症。我都不記得多少次很多女孩對其他女孩身材或者對她們私生活所發出難聽的評論， 說他們要不過於保守或者過於性感。我還記得7年紀語文老師的名言，“韓曉喬，你不像一個女孩子。”或者是“ 男孩子就是這樣的。” 我對她給予同情，因為我知道她來自於中國的一個非常出名的重男輕女的縣城。我覺得令我生氣的是，這些關於性別角色所應該有的討論都被方便的遺忘了，因為這些重男輕女的舊俗和告訴發展的中國形象不符合，就像1940年的德國，那些異教徒都不存在。 

It is said that 60 % of the women from China have only one sexual partner in their entire life. And less than 10 percent who have over three. Only 7.6%  of the Chinese women who admit that they are constantly having orgasms during sex. I found this status on Baidu Baike( the Chinese wiki), I am not sure how accurate this number is, but it is indeed shocking. Can you image if this was men? What would happen to the country if only 7.6% of the men ejaculate constantly during sex? I don't it is a matter of having enough experience although it does affect it. The core of this problem is that why would men bother to please his sexual partner if he believes that she is inferior to him essentially? And I think that they are aware of how disappointing they are, therefore, they made up these false terms that put women who seek for sexual pleasure into this "easy girl" boxes. 

根據百度百科上的數據，在2016年，中國百分之六十的女性一生中只有一個性伴侶。只有少於百分之十的人有超過三個性伴侶。 只有百分之七點六的女人會經常在性愛中會得到高潮。 你能想像這個數據會是男性嗎？如果只有7.6%的男人在性愛中會高潮，這個社會會是怎麼樣子？我並不認為這個驚人的數據和性經驗有太大的關係，這個問題的中心是，如果男人們相信女人低他們一等，他們為什麼需要保證她有高潮呢？而最諷刺的是，他們知道這樣的性愛對於女人來說會有多麼失望，所以他們創造出這個“easy girl”的盒子，然後把所有對性快感好奇的潘朵拉們鎖緊這個盒子裡面。

It is ok to sleep with one person or 100 people as long as you are performing safe, clean and consensual sex. Women are the most beautiful and resilient creatures on the planet: we physically bear the future culture of humankind(although it is perfectly okay if you chose not to ), and the beauty of women is not defined by what color her skin is or how much she weighs. It is realistic to have preferences, but please keep that to yourself, and remember beauty is a fact not a standard. Lastly, for that who treats me like a goddess, can I suck your cock please?

我寫這篇文章的目的只是，不管你是和1個人還是100個人睡覺，只要你的性生活是安全的，乾淨的，自願的，都沒有必要為了自己的性慾而感到羞恥。 女人是這個地球上最美麗而堅韌的生物：我們真實的用自己的身體孕育下一代的文明（當然如果你不想孕育也沒事），所以我覺得女人的美麗不應該取決於她皮膚的顏色或者是她的體重。有擇偶偏好是一個現實的事情，但是請認清你的偏好只是你的偏好，因為美麗是一個事實不是一個標準。最後，對於那個把我當作一個女神一樣對待的人，我可以口你嘛？